Author: Mark Grobbelaar
One evening in December 1994 a life-threatening situation with a friend of mine was getting her washing off the passenger seat of her car when the door opened, a man put a knife to her throat and said, “Move over or I’ll kill you.” She moved over into the passenger seat, and even helped him […]
One evening in December 1994 a life-threatening situation with a friend of mine was getting her washing off the passenger seat of her car when the door opened, a man put a knife to her throat and said, “Move over or I’ll kill you.”
She moved over into the passenger seat, and even helped him start the car because the ignition was faulty.
They drove into town where they picked up a friend of his. They then drove to a secluded beach where they both raped her, slit her throat multiple times, disembowelled her and left her for dead.
ADVERTISING
The story of Alison, who survived this ordeal, shocked the nation, but it was this event that changed the course of my life.
After speaking to Alison about her ordeal, I wrote a thesis for my fifth-dan karate grading on “self-defence for women” because I realised that Alison had made the wrong choice. She just hadn’t known any better. She did not know she had choices and what they were. Had she known, she would have chosen a different course.
You need to decide what you are going to choose. Doing nothing (freezing) when you don’t know what else to do is very different to when you choose to do nothing, knowing all the options. I believe you will be able to live with your decision better.
I sent Alison a copy of my thesis and she called me and asked, “Why did I do nothing?”
I said, “Ali, you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t know all the options!”
She was a victim, and no one should ever blame a victim for what happens to them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from our choices, as Alison has. She has also said that if she lived her life again she would go through that again to be where she is today, something that I still find amazing.
There are only three things you can choose to do in a life-threatening situation: ONLY three!
Flight, fight or freeze.
The most important of these is always flight. Leave the situation if you can. Get away! Trust your gut. When something feels wrong, it is wrong. Leave!
Don’t go looking for what it is to prove yourself right.
If you can’t leave or you choose not to leave, there are only two things left: fight or do nothing.
The term “fighting” is a little confusing. During my INpowered sessions, I always ask: “How long does it take the average person to learn how to fight?”
The answers range from a few years to a long time … the answer, however, is that the average person will probably NEVER learn how to fight. Not properly, anyway. Fighting is an art and requires many hours of training and dedication – we are not talking about “brawling”, which every guy thinks he can do after a few cold ones.
Something I believe is key and which most self-defence practitioners or “Friss Chris Frikkies” as I like to call them, don’t seem to realise or tell you is that anything you do to a would-be attacker that does not immobilise him is going to more than likely make matters worse.
Or, as I like to say, “If it does not switch him off, it’s going to piss him off!”
Do you want to infuriate a person that is intent on hurting you anyway and has probably done it many times before? Of course not. You need to immobilise him.
So, fighting in a life-or-death situation when you are not highly trained is not a good idea.
Which is why I replace the word fight with immobilise or incapacitate. If you know one thing, one thing that you will never forget, that you know can immobilise anybody, you will have a choice that most people do not have – an option that could perhaps save your life.
I’ve had many people say they would rather do NOTHING and hopefully make it out alive, while others say they would rather DIE than just submit. There is no right answer here, unfortunately.
But how do you make that decision if you do not know all the options?
Choice is so powerful and is sometimes all we have. When someone stops you from leaving a situation that you feel is threatening, they have taken away one of your choices and you only have two left.
They say that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you choose to react to it.
Alison made the wrong choice that evening, and this is something I will discuss in a future column, but she also chose to live and she chose to turn what happened to her into a positive, and has gone on to touch thousands of lives with her story.
If it wasn’t for her decision that night, I would never have found my own path as the founder of INpowered.
They say the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. The day Alison chose to live was the day she helped me find my why, and I know my life’s mission is to help you to understand that you always have a choice!
Contact Us at WeSpeak Global and follow us on Twitter
The articles, video and images embedded on these pages are from various speakers and talent.
These remain the property of its owner and are not affiliated with or endorsed by WeSpeak Global.
We are only as unified as our loneliest team or Disconnected Worker community members. No one is immune to feeling lonely at work—not even the outgoing top sales associate, the customer success representative that brings her dog into the office, or the charming vice president who always declines every happy hour invitation due to “overcommitments.” Entry-level […]
A little while ago, I wrote an article titled “Critical thinking for the Adaptive Leader – nine key characteristics to What are your sacred cows”, which featured on the Conference Speakers International website. I briefly highlighted nine characteristics that Adaptive Leaders adopt to navigate a changing world. For this article, I am going to be […]
I have heard I’m not really a water-person statement so many times. But what does it really mean? You come from water, you drink water, and it turns out – water knows you very well whether or not you want to be part of the relationship. We are all water people, you might just not […]
TAKING THE STRESS OUT OF EVERY DAY with Highly Resilient People! Every morning they wake up and say today I choose joy – consciously – and then; They observe their thinking all day and stop thoughts that create stress. They work at being present in every moment and not worry about or dwell on what […]
Communication Represents You and Your Future Perspectives and Communication Impacts Your Success Communication skills are skills you will use for the rest of your life. Positive improvements in these skills will have a positive impact on your relationships, your prospects for employment, and your ability to make a difference in the world. An individual with excellent communication […]
The world much better. The world is awful. The world can be much better. All three statements are true. — Read on ourworldindata.org/much-better-awful-can-be-better “It is wrong to think that these three statements contradict each other. We need to see that they are all true to see that a better world is possible. by Max Roser […]
Native Americans Voices in Corporate America: Inspiring Change and Inclusivity Introduction The corporate world has increasingly recognized the value of diversity, inclusion, and fresh perspectives in today’s globalized and dynamic business landscape. Indigenous voices, often underrepresented and underheard, offer unique insights and experiences that can enrich corporate America. In this Native Americans article, we will […]
You don’t just suddenly wake up one day, and digitally transform To Make AI Work. You don’t suddenly wake up with the know-how, where you solve your problems with artificial intelligence. It’s a journey that you have to progress through! Video Transcript Brett St Clair Welcome to teraflow.ai. And I’m really excited about the question, […]
Our Mission
© All rights reserved 2025. Created using VOXEL THEME
